September 4, 2014

Classes started this week and I’m actually pretty excited to be able to say I’ve met the students.  They don’t seem that different than high school students anywhere else in the country, but the honors ones seem like they’re going to be a lot more fun to teach.  I’m excited to be able to have real conversations with them that aren’t dependent on their being able to behave like humans.  I don’t miss the students or the atmosphere at DP, where everyone felt stifled and it wasn’t a place you could actually be for a long time.  However, I do miss a bit of the structure and getting to have lesson plans ready for earlier than the day before.  I also don’t quite feel like I’m in control of this curriculum, and I’m missing the feeling at ESA where I was actually in charge of what was going to be taught.  I wasn’t necessarily the best teacher ever, but I have since improved drastically and in that improvement have also learned about better teaching and administrative environments.  I have genuinely appreciated the variety of experiences I’ve had, because they have shaped who I am as a teacher as well as who I am as a person. 

On a separate note, I had an incredible time in Chicago during Labor day weekend, getting to spend some time with Serena, and explore a new city with Sacha.  It was really nice to get to spend a few hours in a science museum and to get to make liquid nitrogen ice cream and play with toys made for everyone.  I think if the science museum idea could be more widespread, or more museums were like large playgrounds, that would generate a greater interest in science in the population as a whole.  (I LOVE science museums!)

Separately from that, I HATE finding housing in NYC, and the nightmare that it’s been for the past month and a half.  From searching through tons of apartments until finding one that feels right to being at a lease signing to find that the terms I asked for wouldn’t be met to losing that apartment because I waited overnight to signing a different lease for another apartment I liked to potentially losing that one because of drama between the management company and the broker, I’m just tired of the struggle that this has been and not willing to continue fighting so hard for a crappy apartment in a neighborhood for an equivalent commute. 

August 29, 2014

I’m starting to believe that this is actually happening and that I’ll have students showing up in physics classrooms next week who have faith in my ability to teach them.  That being said, I’m nervous, and I don’t know if the nerves will ever completely go away.  It helps that I’ve taught this subject before, but it just feels like an incredible amount of trust to give someone to stay that you can spend a few hours EVERY week with my child and a group of children and we trust you to teach them life skills and science and the ability to think and problem solve. 

I am so incredibly thankful for the resources and support network who have helped me to become who I am today.  It’s been seven months since I met Sacha and he feels like an integral part of my life these days, I genuinely can’t imagine not having him in my life.  We really do complement each other and bring the best out of each other.  (I realize this might get repetitive or mushy, but all the feelings are so genuine.)  Waking up next to him in the mornings makes me so much happier ALL day long because I get to wake up and hug him, or wake up and snuggle and feel his arms around me.  I know that no matter what, we have each others’ actual best interests at heart, which means that we are healthier than we were seven months ago, even while getting to explore various NYC restaurants and other venues.  I adore him so much!

In other news, I’m also really excited to see Serena in Chicago this weekend, because it’s been a while since I’ve gotten to see her and also a long time since I’ve been in the city (if ever).  More about that to come.  So much support here that it’s incredible, and I am so genuinely thankful to have switched jobs and have Sacha and have a great family around me!

August 25, 2014

Taking the time to write a page feels like I’m taking a pretty significant bit of time, but then again, I also have taken quite a bit of time to do very little work today – this last hour has to be INCREDIBLY productive!  I’ve really appreciated the environment of Masters, it feels supportive with all the people who are telling you to go ahead and get what you need because they’re here to then do what it takes on the back end.  I’m also loving the luxury of having an office with a GIANT desk and all the resources that a private school offers that you don’t get in urban places.  The amount of freedom I have here to explore and make things better means that I have the tools to do a phenomenal job.  It is a lot of pressure to perform, but I think I’m up for the challenge. 

I am also pretty proud of the fact that I’ve been consistently running/eating well and that it shows on the scale.  Losing 10 pounds didn’t seem like a huge accomplishment when compared to the total 30 pound goal, but it means that I’ve made some significant progress.  Looking at the pictures online of what five pounds of fat looks like means that it is a measurable goal and a large amount of weight to have been carrying around and to shed.  A big part of that success is having a ‘partner in crime’ in Sach, who helps me daily with motivating me to run and stay on track with the journey.  It’s been wonderful to also see him make progress and be able to motivate him.  The fact that we started in such similar places makes it much easier to work on the same goal together.  The moments that I want to hold onto in this process are the small successes – shopping and realizing that I’ve successfully gone down to a size 6 dress, or that Sach’s pants are now a 32 rather than a 34.  It’s those measurable goals that come with such a great benefit that will help me continue to fight against my own weaknesses for chocolate or lots of dessert.  Additionally to that even, continuing to take this journey involves recognizing that it’s going to be a life-long process (which doesn’t mean no dessert ever, but also is never going to mean eat all the dessert you want) since both Sach and I have similar genes in the fat storing parts of our bodies. 

I can’t quite believe where we have progressed to in our lives, where we’re debating whether to get married on paper now or next summer (when we actually get married).  When did I grow to become a person who is thinking about a marriage as something that’s coming in the future?  I think that we have a strong foundation on which to build our lives going forward and that the communication we have between us will carry us through the more difficult times.  That being said, I’m still a bit nervous about Sach and I living in the same place in New York next year, but I’ll just have to take that adventure one step at a time. 

I’ve also realized that I’m a better person when I’m rested and have the space for expression – and I need to make sure I take time to do that even when I’m feeling stressed (a personal 10 seconds for myself perhaps).  It doesn’t mean I don’t stand up for myself when it’s important, but it means that I take time to ground myself and lose the anger.